Teacher Training
Tonight there was just a small group of us. Only four people showed up. Where was everyone else? Were other people in the group feeling just as nervous as I was?
I took a look at the schedule for this week before we got started tonight. There were no lectures scheduled for the entire week. Only posture clinics and practice teaching. The thought of practice teaching made me nervous because I still don’t have the Hot Power Fusion sequence memorized or the Sanskrit names for the postures engrained in my head yet. I can’t even say most of the English names for the postures out loud without stuttering my way through them. I also don’t have the cues for each postures and their transitions memorized either. I know its only Week Three, but I’m feeling overwhelmed. Wasn’t this experience supposed to be fun and enlightening? I guess I haven’t gotten to that part of the program yet.
Our posture clinic tonight started off by finishing up the last few postures in the Triangle Series. We went over Standing Splits, Hot Tree and Toe Stand. From there, we completely covered the entire Core Strengthening Series with Supta Baddha Konasana Sit Ups, Bicycle Sit Ups, Boat Hold, High Plank and Crow Pose. I was the model for Crow Pose because I openly admitted this was a new pose for me. I only started practicing Crow Pose when I started taking classes at CorePower Yoga. I was super excited after being able to get myself into the pose in front of everyone in class. This was a huge confidence booster for me. Dare I say I was actually having fun at this point in class?
After the posture clinic, we all sat in a big circle and played a game of popcorn. In popcorn, each of us took turns saying the breath and name of the posture in the Hot Power Fusion series up until the end of Triangle Series. If there was a transition in-between the posture, we had to say that too. Of course I fumbled my way through this exercise. I felt like each time it was my turn, my mind blanked. Why am I having such a hard time remembering this series?
After a round of popcorn, we jumped right into practice teaching. In practice teaching, one of us in class would be the teacher and lead the rest of the class through all of the postures in the series we’ve learned about so far. Of course, I fumbled my way through this exercise too. I couldn’t seem to lead the class without doing the postures myself. I kept forgetting the inhales and exhales for each posture. I struggled to remember what posture came next. I stuttered my way through all of the cues. I was a complete mess and full of sweat by the time my portion of practice teaching had ended.
As soon as I walked back to my own mat, all of those fears of being a crappy yoga teacher came flashing through my head. I started to doubt myself on why I signed up for yoga teacher training in the first place, I got down on myself for not being able to make more time to practice teach at home and run through my flashcards more often. I gave myself a really hard time for not having the entire HPF sequence memorized by now. I felt like I needed to take a bunch more HPF classes before the next group session, which was tomorrow night. I mean I’ve already taken 11 HPF classes since I started teacher training. You’d think I’d have an easier time remembering the sequence.
I know this was only the first day of Week Three of my yoga teacher training, but I couldn’t help but to be extremely hard on myself. I mentally beat myself up for the rest of the practice teaching exercise. Maybe all of this mental, negative bashing is part of my process? I guess the good thing is that I can only get better from here. I really want to have fun and enjoy the rest of my yoga teacher training. Hopefully this is the point where I start turning things around for myself into a more positive direction. I hope. I must.